


Make Me a Match

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Balrog 'Verse Asteroid Belt [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Balrog and Wendy are on the case, Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Darcyland, F/M, Poor oblivious lovesick children need HELP, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, We do crazy things for love, Wendy the Cloak of Levitation, WinterShock - Freeform, You can bet Bucky wouldn't do this for anyone else, now is the time for Balrog to take matters into his own claws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 16:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Idiots in love need all the help they can get, especially when they won't admit they're in love.





	Make Me a Match

**Author's Note:**

> For [multifarious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifarious/pseuds/multifarious) and the many others who wanted a Matchmaker!Balrog POV.

* * *

Balrog was a bilgesnipe of simple pleasures.  Flying with Wendy, terrorizing the occasional thug, annoying Tony and Thor, all these things brought him joy.  But nothing made him happier than knowing that Darcy was happy.  Darcy was the most important thing—person, AI, sentient outerwear, or otherwise—in his life, and her wellbeing came before anything else.

Lately, her wellbeing had been questionable.  She was distracted, anxious, and prone to staring into the middle distance with a goofy smile on her face.  She wasn’t happy, and if Darcy wasn’t happy, Balrog wasn’t happy.  And if Balrog wasn’t happy, then nobody in the Tower was going to be happy either.  

Obviously, it was in everyone’s best interests to secure Darcy’s happiness.

Balrog had his suspicions about what—rather,  _ who _ —was interfering with his person’s emotional equilibrium.  He’d noticed the distraction—and more telling, the smiling—usually happened only when Bucky was in the room.  She had no problem bantering with the Avengers, and took special pleasure in getting Bruce to blush.  But around Bucky, Darcy was the one who did the blushing.  She still joked around with him, but it was obvious to Balrog that there was something more.  After all, he was naturally more observant than the humans around him, powers or no.  He didn’t fault them for it.  It wasn’t as if they had a choice in the matter, after all.  Not everyone was fortunate enough to be born a bilgesnipe.

His bilgesnipe senses told him Bucky wasn’t immune, either.  He’d noticed lately that Bucky tended to have business that conveniently brought him into the vicinity of wherever Darcy happened to be.  There were lingering glances whenever Darcy wasn’t looking, and while he wasn’t quite pulling his weight in the blushing department, he could give her a run for her money when it came to dopey smiles.  In Balrog’s expert opinion, they were both smitten, and they were both oblivious.

They needed help.

He’d discussed it with Wendy on one of their flights, and she agreed that there was no way they would move forward on their own, at least not before they both were old and grey.  Well, Darcy would be old and grey, and Bucky would finally look his age.  Wendy, who loved watching Disney movies with Darcy and Balrog, suggested he take his cue from _101 Dalmatians_ and tangle them together in his leash until they realized they were made for each other.  

Balrog pointed out that, as a relic, she hadn’t had many opportunities for entertainment before she chose Stephen Strange as her person.  Because of that, she was a sheltered nerd whose frame of reference was a little skewed.  Besides, he didn’t even have a leash.

Wendy had responded with a picture of Mr. Smee sticking his tongue out and slapped the back of Balrog’s head with a corner of her collar.

At any rate, Darcy and Bucky were in dire need of an intervention, Disney-inspired or otherwise.  Fortunately for them, Balrog and Wendy were on the case.

They spent several flights brainstorming matchmaking scenarios.  Every scheme from every rom-com Wendy had ever watched and fanfic Balrog had ever read were proposed and dissected at length, from locking them in a closet to staging a fake relationship that would result in a desperate, jealousy-fueled confession and end with passionate kissing, marriage, and a litter of Darcy/Bucky pups Balrog could raise to be proper bilgesnipes.

If you were going to plot, you might as well plot big.

Wendy bemoaned the fact that it was only October, and therefore too early for mistletoe, before offering to hang it all over the Mullet anyway.  And every other lab in the Tower, just to be safe.

Balrog was pretty sure Darcy would figure out something was up with unseasonal mistletoe, but it did give him an idea.  It might be too early to take advantage of Christmas, but the annual Halloween party was coming up, and there was no reason why  _ that  _ holiday couldn't figure into their nefarious plans.  They just needed to make sure A:  both targets showed up and B:  both targets wore appropriate costumes.

Wendy volunteered to handle Darcy, since Bucky wouldn't be able to understand her anyway, and would doubtless find it suspicious if the Cloak, who ignored anyone who wasn't Stephen, Balrog, or Darcy, suddenly decided to hang out with him.

Balrog fully believed that she could make herself understood regardless, but agreed that she had a point.

Wendy sent him an image of the Grinch smiling slowly and evilly, followed by the perfect costumes for their vict— _ ahem, _ friends.

Balrog started laughing so hard he nearly caused them to crash.  It was  _ beautiful. _

* * *

 

Bucky pinched the costume between two fingers and held it up with a scowl.  ‘You have  _ got _ to be kidding me.’

Balrog released an indignant snort and sat back on his haunches.  Bucky didn’t appreciate how much  _ work _ it had taken to get that costume.

‘I’m not wearing this, Balrog.  I don’t even want to go to this party, anyway.’

Balrog leveled his own glare at Bucky.

‘Seriously.’  He dropped the costume on the bed and crossed his arms.  ‘There’s nothing you could do to convince me to wear this in public.  I don’t care if you chew my other arm off.’

Right.  He was going to be difficult, was he?  That was okay.  Balrog knew his weakness.  Ever-so-casually, he leaned over and jostled Bucky’s laptop, bringing up security footage of the common room.  He watched with satisfaction as Bucky’s eyes widened at the sight of Darcy, her silvery-white dress flaring around her as Thor twirled her on the dance floor.  Her hair was a dark cloud held back by a not-quite-crown of twisted silver and trailing flowers.  She reached up and batted the antler headband Thor was wearing as part of his bilgesnipe costume, her smile brighter than the glitter scattered liberally over her person.  Bucky’s eyes tracked back  to the costume on his bed.  When his shoulders slumped in defeat, Balrog knew they’d won.

‘Fine.’  Bucky stalked over to the bed, grabbed the costume’s poofy blonde wig, and jammed it on his head.  ‘Why did  _ that _ have to be one of her favourite movies?’ he demanded plaintively.

Balrog shrugged unhelpfully and grinned, mentally patting himself on the back for enlisting JARVIS in their scheme.  He  _ knew _ that footage would come in handy.

Balrog kept a gimlet eye on Bucky the entire time he was getting dressed, baring his fangs when the reluctant cosplayer balked at applying the necessary makeup.  Once his disgruntled Cinderfella was  _ finally _ on the way to the ball, Balrog followed to make sure he didn’t duck into one of the vents halfway to the common room.  Bucky's frustrated scowl told Balrog that he'd contemplated doing just that.  There was no _ way _ Balrog was going to miss this.  He and Wendy had schemed too long and worked too hard, and his Darcy was going to be _ happy. _  Or _ else. _

As soon as they reached the common room, Balrog peeled off to join Wendy in the corner she'd reserved so they could enjoy the show.  They had the perfect vantage point to see Darcy as she caught sight of Bucky in all his Goblin King glory.  From his floofy wig to his flawless guyliner and tight…jacket…he was a perfect counterpart to Darcy's Sarah Williams.  And, if the deep blush on her face—not to mention the jaw she had to scrape off the floor—was any indication, she heartily approved.

The entire room went dead silent.  It would have been romantic, except that it made it all-to-easy to hear Tony's gleeful ‘Is that _ Barnes? _ He looks ridicul— _ ow! Pepper!’ _

For his part as soon as Bucky locked eyes with Darcy, he straightened from his persecuted slouch and cut through the gaping Avengers with a saunter worthy of Bowie and a smirk that was all Barnes.  The moment they met, he swung her into a waltz as JARVIS, with his customary impeccable timing, started playing _ As the World Falls Down. _

The Matchmaker Conspiracy was nothing if not organized.

The various partygoers quickly cleared the floor, forming a ring around Darcy and Bucky in the finest musical tradition.  Not that either of them noticed.  They were too busy gazing soulfully into each other's eyes, as was only right.  Towards the end of their dance, Bucky dipped Darcy, who used the hand on his shoulder to pull him into a kiss.  As it continued, oblivious to the cheering and catcalls around them, Balrog raised a claw, which Wendy high-fived with a corner before wrapping her collar around his neck and lifting them into the air to join the party themselves. 

Their work here was done.

**Author's Note:**

> Balrog got Darcy to draw a goatee on him, and he and Wendy went as Doctor Strange. Everyone except Stephen thought it was hilarious. Not that he had any place complaining, since he'd 'borrowed' his cousin's coat and went as Sherlock.
> 
> And you probably thought this series would be entirely taken up with Consulting Darcy stories. Surprise! *jazz hands*
> 
> This was also for everyone who wanted a follow-up to Who Does Your Makeup, the Goblin King? It's not a direct continuation, obviously, but the spirit is there. And now I have the oddest feeling, because I'm not really into Labyrinth at all, but apparently? Darcy? Is? I'm not sure how that happened. I mean, she doesn't like it more than LotR (or Strange Magic, for that matter), but it's definitely one of her favs. Weird.
> 
> And I really need to come up with a ship name for Balrog/Wendy, since it's my own ship, dangit! I'm leaning toward Cloaked Antlers, but I'm not sure.
> 
> As always, you can leave prompts in the comments below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr. No smut, slash, or polyships, please and thank you.
> 
> Happy Halloween, my little bilgesnipes! I'm going to be the Fourth Doctor (although I'm going to a party tonight as a steampunk Belle). What are you going to be?


End file.
